secret soul

I don't know if I'm angry/frustrated because I'm embarrassed or embarrassed because I'm frustrated/angry. Either way, I still love you. And I understand your concern and what you're trying to do.

There's just a few issues I take with this situation:

1. I know you think I need to date for the experience. However, suggesting to my friends that I should be set up with a friend just to "practice date" is embarrassing. Two years ago I would have felt humiliated, and I think sometimes, inwardly, I still was. If I want to date, I think I can manage it.

2. Following through on your aforementioned suggestion is NOT your place for numerous reasons: First off, you are MY MOM. I'm of the age where it is my FRIENDS' job to tease, harass, and cajole me concerning dating. Secondly, you keep lightly pushing me towards my two guy friends, one of whom is a very dear friend with someone else who I had a crush on once but no longer and value that friendship far too much. The other is someone who I drunkenly made out with, lost a great deal of respect for, have slowly begun to regain it, and who one of my friends has wrestled a crush/near relationship with since August. I don't feel comfortable explaining all this to you. Maybe if I did, we wouldn't be in this scenario.

3. Giving one of my friends cash to hand off to the later individual mentioned above to take me on a date is HUMILIATING. To me, that sends the message that said person lacks the true desire to take me out (false) or that I cannot, on my own, go out and that, basically, you have to bribe someone for me. I AM HURT.

There. I said it. I AM HURT. I AM HURT by your actions. In every legal sense, I am an adult. This is behavior I'd expect at the junior high level. Where was the connection missed that this is okay behavior?

I've taken teasing from the whole family for my lack of dating. I had to scream at TJ in front of the two of you to make it stop three years ago. And now it just seems like its found a new form.

I know you want the best for me. But this is one time where I can't agree or accept your actions. Yes, I am going on the date you paid for. Your money won't be wasted. It stands the chance that it will be one of the most AWKWARD evenings of my life, and probably worse than a real date would be. Thanks. Thanks a lot.