Any Moment in the Woods

so, just to have a reality check:

Am I always going to be a wingman?


Because I'd just like to have that settled, please. If I'm not, I'd like to know. If I am, I'd like to know that, too. Because sitting in between hurts.

I realize I have wonderful, beautiful friends. Well, one in particular who has a wonderful 'other', but has had various other people mention they'd go for said friend were it not for the 'other'. Heck, I was the "deterrent" at the club once earlier this friend.

Generally, I'm okay with myself-mentally, physically, emotionally.

But it can be near on damning to watch this friend get continual interest. Well, somewhere between continual and constant it feels like.

Its frustrating to be the wingman. But even the wingman gets action. This is like wingman, second class who thinks first class commission is possible.

On the other hand, if all I'm ever going to be is second class, at least I know where I stand.

Its the not knowing that hurts. And finding out that someone I used to like would go after this friend were it not for said 'other'.

Other than keeping my happy mask firmly in place, what am I doing that's so wrong?


That's not why I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated because there have been people who would go after me, but these are the kind of people I don't want going after me. One three years ago and one last year. Isn't pathetic that my life amounts to two? Nothing more.

I'm frustrated because I want someone who I like to like me back. Like Apryl said "The one you love and the one who loves you are never the same person."

And it just occurred to me, maybe the reason I like to 'mother' other people, especially said friend, its to have proof that all is not perfect. Isn't that a sick thought?
And I know that's not true. But it nags at me.

I'm jealous of my friend.