Isn't it nice to know a lot







and a little bit not

being thankful

so, its been awhile since the last entry.

I'm back in the States...ob la di ob la da.

A friend just found out their father just suffered a heart attack, but is doing okay, all things considered. They seem do be doing very well, making sure siblings are okay and all as well.

When I freaked out earlier this semester over my dad's cancer (which was a basil cell he told me about in December specifically so I WOULDN'T freak out), I agonized over this for weeks. Not the safety or health of my parent, but rather, how I felt about the situation. Would I be worried for my father? Would I be happy if he died? Would I cry and be depressed? And then, as I waited to get the information I actually already knew but forgot (this was all brought on by a two line email from my mother mentioning dad's cancer), I caved and used a professor to explain everything running around in my head. Granted, this prof is my advisor, but it was not her job. I was rankled when said prof suggested I see the counselor. I know its my pride, but I am VERY proud of having NEVER seen a counselor.

But this is what all is running through my head as my friend is on the phone alternately laughing and sniffling.

And I don't get jealous, but something in me yet again realizes the difference in my friends and their families and me and my family. I don't in the slightest think their families are perfect and mine is a lost cause. There are many positives to my family.

Its just frustrating to feel that. And I don't doubt that acting next spring, based on everything I know through experience and my peers, will drag all this lovely crap out.