(Re)discovery

Reading through the last entries. I don't miss the turmoil of that year. I miss what it meant.

It meant I had heartstrings connected, only a block away. It meant I had precious time to hear voices and feel hugs. I had the fear and the freedom of not knowing. I had that home.

But mostly it meant I had you four.

I can't say how much I miss you, because I can function without you. I do my work quite well; my bosses and patrons have told me so and I know it to be true. I am a functioning like the duck that I once was. I am no longer that duck, but I can still play the role when needed. I yearn for the day I can see you and be me again.

Its funny looking back:

That friend who never has bad days is in London now, living at the Y and working. I have now seen that her life is no more and no less real and un-perfect than my own.

That heart wound has healed, though it took some rough, and sometimes shoddy, work to patch it back together.

***

Yeah, I've got laundry and dishes to do before hanging out with the other interns at IHOP for Free Pancake night, so that's all your getting.